Manifest Destiny

Girl’s name was Destiny
Manifest Destiny

and Manifest Destiny she was…

and I ain’t not talkin’ ’bout no
manifest like some kind
of ship’s cargo document
I’m talkin’ Manifest Destiny
as in take over the mother-fuckin’
god damn United States
and at the current moment
as she straddled my continent
she was taking over my heart

window shopping
makes me think
firecracker popping
makes me think
4th of July

5-foot seventeen
in 4-inch stilettos
puts a bustle
in my hedge row
in my favorite
Las Vegas casino

I’ll take a Manhattan
with an extra cherry
go hard on her cherry

She’ girl messiah
She’s girl piranha
biting, biting, always biting
barbed wire dental floss
she’s barbed wire mental floss

the filthy filly bites
hard the bridle
is truly only happy when
she’s making me suicidal

stirrups, purr ups
when petting her kitten.
She: I have a naughty kitten
Me: I could drink your milkshake?
She said: I need thunder puppy
God: Reverse cowgirl?
She said: I am a true believer
Of the one and only true religion

sometimes I think about her
think about her before work
think about her before work in the shower

when I look at her
I wish I was the scientist
who invented x-ray vision
x-ray vision that stops right
after the clothes if you
know what I mean

she rolled around
as she was well-oiled
I had to take the batteries
out of my smoke detector
because of all the sparks

she said she wanted
both the steak
and the sizzle
with extra sizzle
but I wanted to give
her extra steak as well

she moves
her body
like fire
in slow motion
like fire
that dances
so slowly you
want to touch it
touch so bad
you don’t care
if you are burned
by the heat
of her fire

when I was young
I was told that
if I did it too often
I would go blind
still I just can’t stop
looking at her

Be sure to visit out latest blog…

“Your Suicide King”



…and how’s your day been


Mine’s been good thanks for asking.


In Silicon Valley just wrapped up

6-weeks of 12-hour days 7-days a week

to complete a chip design we have been

working on for almost 2-years

We are now “done.”

(Please God…let us be “done”.)

No more “texts” at mid-night saying…

“We’re not done.”


I could use a month’s sleep.


A couple nights ago…

(Yeah, I did mention this was the Silicon Valley…)

About 40-yards across the apartment complex

from me there was an organized crime

execution style hit.


Yes, people were actually tied up and one was shot

in the back of the head.


It’s more surreal than any of my writing.


I hope you…I hope everyone had a good day.


Here’s a bit of the police reporting.–448749143.html




uptown Oaktown
2 Lincoln Continentals
of Eastern European crazies
by morning someone will be
pushing up the daisies

Katarina’s in heat
but she’ll have to wait
until morning for
her love date
if I’m still alive

through the MacArthur Maze
up into the Oakland Hills
my God that f*cker’s Craze
Zee with a capital Z

serial code’s filed
off the gun
Saturday night special
when it’s time for
God’s hit-and-run

brass full of fist
you’ll know when
you have been kissed

when your teeth are tumbling
like dice across the table
in front of everyone

the judge and the jury
are playing the executioner’s song

death metal with an AK-47
something tells me nobody’s
going to heaven

but I rise
with the sunrise
in Oaktown
when my love
going down


The Successful Fire drill


Generally speaking the fire drill was successful.

Only 3 people were unaccounted for and would never be seen again.

How Bill’s bowling shoes got in the fish tank in the front lobby was hard to say.

Sharon was sure to lock the stall door in the bathroom before she started her yoddling.

In the parking lot Dave showed everyone a picture of a starfish he had in his car.

Well, except for those 3 people swept away by the tornado.

Everyone agreed…

Now that we had bacon things would be different.

Revenge of Bob


As it was Friday we got back to the office late from the zoo.

While we were gone someone put a penny in the water cooler.

Nancy suggested it may have been there before we left.

We may not have noticed because it was small.

For some reason Steve felt compelled to jump out of a cake.

Silvia silently slipped a piece of cheese to the hamster she kept in her desk drawer.

To confirm Bob was a monkey we had him carbon dated.

The results were inconclusive.

Later, I found a banana on his desk.

guy stuff


Sometimes I like to get together with the guys and do “guy stuff.”

Especially, next Sunday for football.

We stopped by a “big box” store to get food and beer.

Ok, beer.

Ok, cheap beer.

Fortunately, the men’s room instead of having individual urinals had one of those

big stainless steel troughs, so we could all stand shoulder-to-shoulder and pee.

Bob: “Isn’t this great. We’re all standing together and peeing in a trough.

Me: “Wonderful.”

Once we got to Bob’s, Dave spent the entire first quarter of the game talking

in burp. You know, making complete sentence while burping.

Dan tried to light one of his farts on fire.

We  made sexually suggestive comments regarding the women in the beer

commercials. Also, potato chip and financial services commercials.

Ok, all the commercials.

After going to the bathroom, Jim decided he would be more comfortable watching

the game in just his boxer shorts. He needed to shave his back.

I looked over at Jim and his back and was glad a female gorilla hadn’t escaped from

the zoo that morning who might try to mate with him.

Me:”Jim what if there’s a fire?”

Jim: “There was a fire at the zoo this morning?”

I looked at Dan.

Dan smiled and farted.

Steve thought it would be funny like the movie “The Hangover” to slip a “roofie”

in my beer, but was so drunk he drank the beer himself.

We later saw him streaking across the field of the game we were watching.

Bob commented on how lucky we were that there were no women there

to limit our fun.

I raised an eyebrow and looked at Dan.

Dan smiled: “Pull my finger.”