Clam Dig

Here comes gravity.

Red dress half way up her thigh.

Holding the universe together.

She makes the ocean’s tide fall and rise

I’m sorry did you say something?

I was still thinking about that red dress and thigh.

Do you mind?

Yes, with the ocean’s tide rising and falling,

this would probably help you determine

if is a good day to go clamming…

Here comes gravity.

Red dress half way up her thigh.

She paints the Painted Dessert

with her infinite sunset.

What? I don’t know if it’s a good day for clamming.

I think there’s a tide table in the back

of your sports page that you can probably consult.

You don’t get the paper?

And you want to borrow mine.


Leave the rest of the sports page I haven’t read it yet.

You can keep the tide table.

Here comes gravity.

Red dress half way up her thigh.

Bringing the light from the stars.

And the rain from the sky.


With the break in the weather it is probably is a good day for clamming.

Can you borrow a shovel, and a bucket, and my car, and my fishing license?

I don’t have a fishing license.

Then my credit card.

You know there’s a whole seafood section down at the grocery store,

that I’m sure can satisfy all your clam needs.

Here comes gravity.

Red dress half way up her thigh.

With a snake-like movement of her hips she sheds her angel skin.

She can take me down any time she wants.

That’s the law of gravity.

Friday man.


Beard of Bees

There is a woman knitting dreams.

She knits like spider webs your thoughts into dreams.

An intricate and delicate network of strings she weaves

Like the Spiderman on your sheets and pajamas.

She seems to know your life.

As only someone bitten by a radioactive spider could.

You ask yourself as you dream:

“Did that spider bite cause any inflammation?”

“Some red swelling would not be unexpected.”

Still she knits and weaves.

Now she’s using her sewing machine as that spider bite

has caused some sensitivity as well

and some numbness in her right hand.

You wind up dreaming about a giant spider.

And a red open toed shoe stepping on it.

Grinding it into the carpet.

Now she’s using a loom

that she bought at that big crafts expo.

When you wake up you are refreshed and at peace.

There is a woman knitting dreams.

Her infinite sadness she wears

like a beard of bees.

Return of the Space Monkeys…Uncertainty


King Kong was climbing the Empire State Building.

As a bunch of airplanes buzzed him.

He continued to the top.

Pounded on his chest, slipped , and fell.

Impaling himself on the torch of the statue of liberty.

The Chrysler Building eerily reflected the yellow light of the sunset.

The Hindenburg flew by in the yellow light like a giant banana

making the whole King Kong thing now into a spectacle.

I looked up while, clasping my mother’s hand tightly.

She looked down at me and smiled.

It was a sad smile, but it looked pretty just the same with her red lipstick.

A single tear was on her cheek.

This scared me.

We both knew that the world was coming to an end.

She bent down in her high heels and heavy winter coat and hugged me.

And said the only thing she knew would comfort me.

“Someday the space monkeys will return.”

Return of the Space Monkeys

One day the space monkeys will return in their rocket ships.

But I’ll be ready.

I’ve been preparing.

I’ve been hoarding and storing bananas everywhere.

I had a walk-in freezer installed in my home. Filled it with bananas.

I added on a spare bedroom. Filled it with bananas.

I bought the house next door. Filled it with bananas.

When the space monkeys land and their leaders march up

to greet me the top monkey will say:

Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.

I will bow my head and reply:




I looked up while clasping my mother’s hand tightly

she looked down at me and smiled

it was a sad smile

but it looked pretty just the same with her red lipstick

a single tear was on her cheek

this scared me

we both knew that the world was coming to an end

she bent down in her high heels and heavy winter coat

and hugged me

and said something to try to comfort me

it is precisely at such a moment that you realize

just how alone you are in the universe

you can feel your soul crack from the loneliness

and the only thing that even gives you hope of surviving

is sharing that uncertainty with someone you love

something wicked this way comes


I am the Ezekiel wind
I am the Prodigal son
I am he cat with 10 lives
I am the Mother
of all Mother-F*ckers
I am the one
and when you’re in heat
I’ll bring the heat
you can load
and unload my gun
and when you’re feeling
unloved and unruly
I’ll tattoo your world
and sign it
from yours truly
because you are the one
by the pricking of my thumbs
something wicked this way comes

She: You better Daddy…

doing what’s right



Sometimes you have to do what’s right.
It’s the law of averages.
Sometimes it’s just going to slip out.
It’s not even under your control.
It’s like that fart that you thought
was going to be silent.
When you are up there reciting your wedding vows.

Bride-to-be: Not a problem I also had a chili-dog.

Sometimes you have to do what’s right.
Even when there’s no one else around.
Like lighting a candle in the bathroom
Who really cares?
And it doesn’t smell that bad.

The guy next door has 3 dogs that he pretty much
lets run wild throughout the neighborhood.

Every morning I’m greeted on my lawn by a pile of poop.

I asked him to control his dogs.
He smiled and said that he would,
but every morning there was still a pile of poop.

Finally, I built a tall fence around my entire property
to keep his dogs out.

I had just settled down in my hammock with a drink with a tiny
colorful umbrella, when Tarzan holding a coconut came swinging through my yard.

Me: “You! Hey you!”
“Are you the one who has been crapping in my yard!!!”

So, do what’ right!



51 - Copy - Copy (6)


I like to care.

One time I was watching something on television
that involved humans.
And emotions.
And how these humans interacted with one another.
I told myself: “I care.”

Another time I was at a wedding.
This woman married this man.
Everybody cried.
I looked around at the people eating sandwiches
and whispered quietly into the microphone: “I care.”

When the President said we needed help our fellow man
and we must all work together to make this a better nation.
I had no idea what he was talking about.
But the words came out: “I care.”

On the other hand, I am not fond of people who are not caring.
I asked the guy in the hospital bed next to me if he wanted
to watch the football game or women’s figure skating.
He said: “I don’t care.”

This lack of caring was contagious and I found it hard to care about
the success of his operation even though I was his doctor.

true friendship



One day a friend of mine sent me a letter on “colored” stationary.
That ended that friendship!

Another time I asked a friend if I could have a piece of his gum.
He said: “Yes.” And gave me a piece of gum.
No questions asked. He didn’t care what I did with the gum.

This is the definition of true friendship.

Later, I used the gum to block the air passage of his snorkel
when he was diving for clams.

At his funeral I read his eulogy written on “colored” stationary.
When I met him  in heaven later that day he gave me a piece a gum
without me having to ask. He didn’t even bring up the whole awkward
“colored” stationary thing and my burning down his house.

This is the definition of true friendship.

Later, I used the gum to stick his angel wings together.
He crashed to the ground and died again.

Years later on my death bed as an old angel I realized the value of
“gum” in friendship. Also, that manikins are not real people.