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I not the kind of person to tell
another person how to live his or her life.
Unless, of course they have a pair of ears
and my mouth is not stapled shut.
Me:Joe, you need to try to be less stupid.
Me:Mimmie, your tattoo of a monkey riding a seahorse makes you look slightly less stupid than Joe.
Joe: I dressed myself this morning.
Joe’s Mom: Sigh. He was able to put on his socks by himself.
Me:Sam, you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
Sam:Why would I want to catch flies?
Me:There’ been complaints about your cubicle and general personal hygiene.
Mimmie: If there’s any Sam honey left we can use it on our biscuits?
Me: We have buscuits.
Mimmie: No.
Joe: I made my own lunch today.
Joe’s Mom: Sigh, opened the paper bag for me.
Me: Who feel’s like Christmas shopping?!!
Dead silence.
Me: Good, those who aren’t going Christmas shopping will be cleaning the bathrooms.
I’ll get you all a candy cane.
Silicon Valley Art Underground 