Towards Better Tweeting

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A fool and his money are soon parted.
Can I borrow a million dollars?

A snapping turtle can bite off a finger.
they should tell you this at the pet store
before you flip one off.

The taste of a tofu wedding cake can almost be disguised
by the frosting.

I fed my children Play-Doh cooked in an Easy-Bake oven.
I would have to say that is the primary reason I am in prison.

Start breakfast a little early if you’re going to eat a bowl of cereal with a fork.

Mr.Bubble. Is it really appropriate for Mr. Anybody to be bathing
with your children?

Dream about pirates when your electric blanket is turned up too high.
Hey Captain Hook, would you like a piece of this tofu wedding cake?

A pet’s love is proportional to how much you feed them.
Some pets may also require their own cell phone for them to stop pretending to not be housebroken.

I came. I saw. I conquered. Now give me a slice of that tofu wedding cake.

People with an impaired sense of reality are generally happier.

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