Going Green for St. Patrick’s Day


I wore green pants, a green shirt, green socks, a green hat,

and dyed my hair green,  but I still got pinched

for St. Patrick’s Day at work.

They said I missed the point of going “green” for St Patrick Day.

That I should be driving a hybrid to work or something.

I don’t know about you, but I take all this green stuff very seriously.

They say that disposable diapers take a million years to decompose in the landfill.

Good thing I wont be here, so it’s not my problem.

And they want me to reduce my “carbon footprint.”

That’s probably because I wear size 23 clown shoes.

I’m not sure how to reduce that footprint,

but I bought a pair of green clown shoes.

Still even after  adopting all these “green” practices,

my co-workers continue to pinch me.

Personally, I think they are “green” with envy.

Penis envy.

Because of my green penis.

I spent all of last night laying in a bathtub filled with green dye,

like a giant Easter Egg.

So my whole body is green.

And that dye wears off real slowly,

so I’m pretty much ready for the next holiday…

When I can show up at work as a giant naked green Easter Egg.

Sometimes life couldn’t be more perfect.


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