I couldn’t decide whether to put the roll of toilette paper in so that it

would unroll over top towards the front or behind the roller closer to

the wall.

Life is so unfair…

…and filled with decisions. Many of which can be of a life or death

nature. Or worst, on how to put in a roll of toilette paper.

Deep inside I knew that no matter how well thought out my

decision, inevitably someone, probably someone who ate cheese,

would be unhappy about it.

Over the top to the front might be too bold an affront into a person’s

personal space, whereas closer to the wall would put reaching the

paper a toilette paper’s roll diameter dangerously further away,

risking a lawsuit if someone should fall off while reaching for it.

I called my lawyer, but said he did not use toilette paper.

He did point out, however, that scented toilette papers could

lead to an act of litigation, much like it had for companies that

did not strictly enforce the ban on women wearing heavy

perfume in the work place.

He also advised that I take down all the barbed wire

I had strung in the bathroom.

When I sought spiritual guidance regarding my dilemma the priest

pointed out in his studies of Noah and his Ark, that humans were

the only animals that used toilette paper. For the first time in my

life I was glad to be born human.

Then my boss called to ask why I was 4 hours late for work.

In summary, I removed all rolls of toilette paper from the

house as I did not expect Noah to show up in his Ark and

need to use my bathroom.

I reflected on this when I had my boss over that night for

dinner and served my grandmother’s “Call-Urgent-Care”

Chili that had been sitting in my refrigerator since

Ground Hog’s Day.


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