Waiting for the Parade



In church the other day they said that God sees everything we do.

God I feel sorry for God.

His life must be very boring.

Don’t they have the internet in outer space.

If I were God I would want my own giant balloon float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving’s Day Parade.

I would eat my dessert before my main meal….hell I would make my whole meal desserts.

What do I care I’m God.

If someone got upset with me because they were an atheist,

I would tell them that I didn’t believe in them either.

And then I would “smite” them, because not enough people are using that word now-a-days.

At some churches they have really, really old baby Jesuses.

They need to clean them or refinish them or something.

Even as I have learned from Antique Road Show this would decrease their value.

I don’t think we need to worry about decreasing baby Jesus’s value.

I think it’s more important that baby Jesus look nice and like he has taken a bath in the last 100 years.

No wonder they won’t let Baby Jesus into our public schools.

If we treated our kids the way the churches treat their baby Jesuses,

we would have our children taken away from us.

The dirty old baby Jesuses makes them look kind of scary, which creates a real problem.

Nobody wants to worship a God with an ugly kid.

Someday my time will be up.

There will come a knock at my door.

I don’t expect it will be the child protective services, because I’ve helped keep Baby Jesus clean.

Looking his Sunday best like he was going to church,

which is where he lives.

No. It will be my pal God.

With his balloon float….

Ready to take me to the Parade.


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