The Demise of Western Civilization



The Demise of Superman

As I sat down to interview Superman the answers

he gave to questions were oddly vague and evasive.


It wasn’t the crisp, witty, razor-sharp Superman

people had come to expect from his Sunday

“Face-the Nation” interviews.


His views on global warming were now imprecise.

When queried about Syria he was likewise noncommittal.

When asked what he thought about the current fiscal stimulus package he replied:

“I dunno.”


Realizing that Superman had become a vampire.

I drove a kryptonite stake through his heart.



The Demise of King Kong

First, King Kong tried to assemble a jigsaw puzzle.

Then, he tried to pay his bills, but was not able

to put a postage stamp on the envelop.

Finally, he tried stacking pennies in columns of 10,

so he could put them in paper rolls

and take them to the bank.

That was it.

His thumbs were too big.

He put on a stovepipe hat and hid behind the pyramids in Egypt.



The Demise Santa Claus

Santa: What’s a reindeer?

Santa: What’s an elf?

I want a 10-story igloo constructed of “dry-ice.”


Are those caribou hostiles?

Shrinking-wrapping dyed alligators for Easter proved to be a poor business decision.


Anderson Cooper: I see. The question was did you want that last doughnut with sprinkles.




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