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I’m a tightrope walker
and walk a tightrope connecting
the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty,
and the Chrysler Building.
In my underpants.
What parent wouldn’t be proud?
Well, except I’m afraid of heights, so I crawl along the tightrope.
And I get sick a lot from eating too many pretzels.
And I cry when the wind gets in my eyes.
And it’s pretty windy up there.
One time my proud parents were proudly watching
me from the observation deck on the Empire State Building.
I can always tell when they are there because my Mom yells:
“Oh my God! He’s going to commit suicide!”
Then my Dad starts chanting: “Jump! Jump! Jump!”
I hate it when he starts to shake the tight rope.