Sensitive Man

sensitive

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She said she needed a “sensitive man.”

I started crying uncontrollably and said:

“You don’t know how long I have been waiting

to hear a woman say that…”

But my response was not having the effect that I had hoped for…

So, I stopped rolling around on the floor, got up, and put my clothes back on.

 

She: No, I mean a “sensitive man.”

So I started rummaging through her tool box

and found a shiny ball peen hammer.

I pulled out her family heirloom china

and started smashing the dishes with the ball peen hammer.

Me trying to be sensitive: “I’m going to miss those dishes.”

She: What are you crazy!

That was my mother’s ball peen hammer!

 

She: I need a “sensitive man.”

 

Me: You mean one who doesn’t fart in bed.

She: No.

 

Me: One who doesn’t fart in bed and pull the blankets over your head?

She: No

 

She: A “sensitive man.”

Me: You mean a man who wears a loud Hawaiian Shirt

and sips a girly drink with a tiny colorful umbrella?

 

She: Sigh.

Yes.

 

 

emonkey2

The New York Times Monkey Electric Interview

New York Times: Some would say your writings are deliberately stupid.

Monkey: Stupid?

NYT: Yes.

Monkey: Deliberately?

NYT: Yes.

Monkey: Writings?

NYT: Err, yes.

Monkey: This interview is over!!!

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