Cat Day Calendar

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Postcard done for Hallmark cards

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Marsupial Wedding Planner

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Boss drunk at Christmas party: Who put these urinals on the ceiling.

Bill: I always cry at weddings.

Joe: But this is YOUR wedding.

Bill: I want a prenuptial!

Gwen: I want a marsupial!

With a purse-like pouch possibly Prada or Michael Kors.

Boss at the All Hands Meeting: Who put these urinals on the ceiling?

Joe: Gwen, if your kangaroo  is not housebroken you should have left him at home.

Bill: This cummerbund would be good for concealing a plastic pirate sword.

Gwen: I’m withdrawing consent.

Sam: But you’ve already given birth to our son.

Boss at Bill’s wedding: Who put these urinals on the ceiling?

Kangaroo: I want a restraining order.

Nice purse.

Your Academy Awards Preview

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Meryl Streep: I just want to thank everyone for recognizing how incredibly important we are in Hollywood.

And in particular…how important I am.

God Bless America.

Madonna: I feel humbly honored  to be an honorary presenter, but this is oddly so appropriate because

I am so incredibly important.

Shia LaBeouf: I’m kind of box office cancer…but my recent “protest art” makes me so incredibly relevant.

Joe: (The janitor at the academy awards): Shia what? I took a big “shia” this morning.

Some Hollywood Actress: Sure these “complimentary gift bags” with over $500k in swag are nice, but it

does not ignore the fact that women in Hollywood are second-class citizens with regard to men as far as

pay.

Waitress at Denny’s: May I please have your $500K “complimentary gift bag”?

Somebody from some unknown movie: “This just shows what can be accomplished when blah, blah, blah

believes in themselves, works incredibly hard, and doesn’t let the oppressive system keep them down.

Steve in Boston: I’ve never heard of this actor/actress or the movie they appeared in…

Cynthia in Ohio: Wow! That preview to the next “Ghost Busters” sequel next summer makes me glad I

have been diagnosed with cancer and have only 3 months to live.

Cynthia’s family: God…we envy you Cynthia.

Presenter/award recipient X: ……blah, blah, blah…..Trump….bad…

Massive applause by audience.

Detroit naturalized citizen: I’m new to this country. Why do these Hollywood celebrities who have no

experience and know nothing about politics think their opinions are “Sermon on the Mount” important

to people?

Phoenix Dave: They aren’t. That is part of what lost the last election. Endorsements from celebrities that

have 10’s if not 100’s of million dollars. Most American’s view these celebrities as arrogant,

spoiled rich children…

with contempt.

Madonna: Has everyone noticed how incredibly “sexy” I am?!!!

Meryl Streep: I must be smarter than Einstein based on my most recent award show rants.

Tonight’s show provides me an opportunity to lecture God.

Meryl: When will I rightfully be featured on the new 20-dollar bill?

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White Zombie: San Jose State 6/28/95 “Astro Creep 2000 Tour”

My son was still in high school at the time…so I dropped him off at “Great America” for the day….

And then we went to San Jose State to watch White Zombie.

 

Yeah father/son.

Same when White Zombie opened for Pantera at the Cow Palace later that year.

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The “Astro Creep 2000” Tour kicked off at the “Phoenix Civic Plaza” on May 9th 1995.

As luck would have it I was hired 17 days earlier into my first job out of college and they had sent me to Phoenix for a week

for a Hewlett-Packard Unix System Administrator Convention.

It was an excellent concert to kick off “Astro Creep 2000”

Who says God does not take care of his own?

Vin: Remember “Sean” and her “hair whip”…she was a f*cking “scorcher”…

Rob was sick as hell…

but he didn’t cancel the show.