Weekly One-on-One

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Oh great, it’s time for my weekly one-on-one with my boss.

It pretty much consists of him just quoting and misquoting a bunch

of business or other  clichés that pass as “boss-speak.”

My Boss: Work smarter  not harder

Me: Why don’t we work stupid and lazy?

Well,…I guess we can’t all be on the CEO track.

My Boss: Follow your passion

Me: What if my passion is killing you?

Boss: You’ve got to stop beating yourself up.

Me: Actually, I brought this baseball bat for you,

so I could follow my passion.

Boss: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade

Me: My impression was you made some kind of mixed drink

with alcohol in it. Did someone give you lemons this morning?

Boss: People are our greatest asset.

Me: Does that explain your hoarding rolls of toilette paper from

the men’s room behind your desk?

Boss: It’s a game changer

Me: You mean like switching from the Superbowl to The Wheel

of Fortune during half time at your house and thinking that nobody

would notice?

Boss: Was the “All Hands Meeting a Spelling Bee?”

Me: No, everyone but you  just used a spell checker on their

Powerpoint presentation.

Boss:  I was just talking out load.

Me: Perhaps listening to the voices in your head?

Boss: Did you say there was lemonade?

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