Big Teddy Bear

 

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CLICK ON IMAGE TO ENLARGE (from the artist’s desk.)

A lot of people thought that Big Dan

was nothing but a big teddy bear.

 

Whenever someone in the community needed a hand

there was Big Dan volunteering to help in his big red pickup truck.

He would say such things as:

“I have a pickup truck.”

Or

“It is red.”

 

He coached varsity volleyball, even though he knew nothing about volleyball and didn’t particularly understand the purpose of the game.

At times he would become so helplessly entangled in the net that his team would have to forfeit the game.

He would say such things as:

“I have a red pickup truck.”

 

He was 6’5” and always played a jolly Santa

in the church Christmas Pageant.

Most people believed he dressed himself.

Most.

He would say such things as:

“For Christmas I want a red pickup truck.”

 

Yes.

A lot of people thought that Big Dan

was nothing but a big teddy bear.

Probably because his body was covered with red hair

and he walked around naked.

 

Little Red Riding Hood: I appreciate all the references here to “red”, but I’m not sensing

a “Oscar” nomination for me. I ran all this by Madonna.

 

God: Look. I listened to this shit long enough.

Where the f*ck does she get off calling herself “Madonna????”

Does she even have any idea who “Madonna” was or associating her with the Madonna means?

 

Meryl Streep: Obviously God…you do not understand our Hollywood importance.

Did you not hear my sermon on the mount delivered at the Golden Globes?

God: Golden f*ck??!!!

 

Jesus: “Sully” was not nominated for shit because it was not Hollywood politically correct “this year”

God: You do realize Hollywood with you dependency on Star Wars Sequels, reboots of previously successful movies, and Marvel Super Heroes

you are basically running on empty on original ideas???

Why would anyone watch the Academy Awards this year?

Madonna: Because I am 58 and so insanely sexy…

do I need to open mouth kiss one of my daughters school mates to prove how hot I am???

God: Madonna you are f*cking gross.

Madonna: God doesn’t get it. He’s a racist and trans-phobic.

Bruce Jenner: Even I want exit strategy with you and Hollywood at this point Madonna.

Madonna: Thank you Bruce. I agree with you. I am insanely sexy.

Homeless hobo behind Seven Eleven: Cough. Snort. Cough. Madonna who???

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One response to “Big Teddy Bear

  1. Pingback: Big Teddy Bear — Silicon Valley Art Underground – ShayDbooks

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