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I rolled out of bed to the sound of my alarm clock, put on my exoskeleton, and went to work.
Bob: How’s it going Cricket.
Bob: Well, at least somebody got laid last night.
Cheryl: Hi Cricket. Any plans for the weekend?
Cheryl: Well, if you’re going to climb Mount Everest can you bring me back a Dali Lama key chain?
Boss: Hey, Cricket I have problem maybe you can help me with… I don’t know whether to promote myself or kill myself.
Boss: Great idea. I will do both.
Me: Chirp! Chirp!
Boss: You’re right that will save the company money. I’ll start first with killing myself.
Later that day at the boss’s funeral…
Dave: What a shame I hear he was up for a promotion.
Dave: Thanks Cricket you always know just the right thing to say.
Why yes, I have lost weight.