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For some reason people considerate it a matter of pride
to say they are “nonjudgmental.”
Example Freak: I’m nonjudgmental.
Me: So the fact that I am standing here naked playing a tuba
does not cause you to form an opinion of me?
Freak: No. Not at all.
Me: Good. Give me a piggyback ride!
Personally, I try to be as judgmental as possible.
It’s what God would want.
I asked him.
Another Freak: I like butter.
Me: You’re going straight to hell!!!
Freak 3: Sometimes I brush my teeth without toothpaste.
Me: I don’t want to hear about your chronic impotence.
Freak at the produce stand: I sure hope this apple is “organic.”
Me: Boy are you ugly!!!
Freak: If we all thought positive thoughts we could change to world.
Me: I’m now using my ESP to give you a brain aneurysm!
Freak: Gum causes global warming.
Me: Sigh. You’re the ugly guy that used up all that other guy’s toothpaste aren’t you?!
King Freak: It was too late to do anything when I realized there was no toilette paper.
Me: That’s a lifestyle choice. No piggyback ride for you!!