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For some reason people considerate it a matter of pride

to say they are “nonjudgmental.”

Example Freak: I’m nonjudgmental.

Me: So the fact that I am standing here naked playing a tuba

does not cause you to form an opinion of me?

Freak: No. Not at all.

Me: Good. Give me a piggyback ride!

Personally, I try to be as judgmental as possible.

It’s what God would want.

I asked him.

Another Freak: I like butter.

Me: You’re going straight to hell!!!

Freak 3: Sometimes I brush my teeth without toothpaste.

Me: I don’t want to hear about your chronic impotence.

Freak at the produce stand: I sure hope this apple is “organic.”

Me: Boy are you ugly!!!

Freak: If we all thought positive thoughts we could change to world.

Me: I’m now using my ESP to give you a brain aneurysm!

Freak: Gum causes global warming.

Me: Sigh. You’re the ugly  guy that used up all that other guy’s toothpaste aren’t you?!

King Freak: It was too late to do anything when I realized there was no toilette paper.

Me: That’s a lifestyle choice. No piggyback ride for you!!


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