Ned Misses Out

nedmisses

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New Year’s Afternoon Party at Work

021

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Is that monkey a registered notary public?
How did that chicken get a level-one security clearance?
I didn’t know a hamster knew how to operate laser eye surgery equipment.

What did cavemen do for porn before the internet?
Is that you Bob Cratchit?
I miss the postage stamps you had to lick.

If cell phones could read our minds we could waste less time thinking.
I don’t know why those crab cakes are on the floor.

Say Evelyn, did Dave show you the snow globe in his man purse?

The small talk at the New Year’s Eve party was getting smaller and smaller.

Eventually, the conversation proceeded to the sub-atomic level and I was able
to completely ignore it.

Dave: Did you want to see my man purse?

Krugerrand the Astronaut

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At work I insist

on being paid in Krugerrands

in case any of the astronauts

from the Apollo missions

make it back home.

When we were given

the shelter in place

order at work Linda

used it as an opportunity

to eat a can of Pringles

under her desk.

After that no one

questioned why

she was made CEO.