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Swinging like King Kong
from the Eifel Tower
hobnobbing with the monkies
and the globlin monkies
from the Wizard of Oz
She said why do you have
to be the way you are boy
It’s 2am and I got a red light
in my rear view mirror
and I’m looking for an alibi
dry your tears alligator
I’ll see you sooner
or I’ll see you later
like my capital gains
riding shotgun with Santa Claus
I am the man who paints the line down the middle of the road.
I am like Moses parting the Red Sea.
Only what I do is relevant to your life
and makes your driving experience more satisfying.
I am like Noah tallying the animals as they enter the Ark.
Only I don’t forget the unicorns, while increasing traffic safety.
I am like Gandhi marching to the sea to make salt.
Only I get to wear a bright orange vest.
I am like “some guy” knocking down the Berlin Wall.
Only I am not German.
I am like God, but I don’t rest on the 7th day
Because I work for the state and get paid double-time on Sunday.
You need not fear me.
For I am a man of peace.
And I am not a German.
And I am strapped in this weird leather and metal harness thingy
When I eat your soul
it tastes like chicken