Baton Rouge



milk me

as I milk you

to the last drop

way down south

on the Texas border

in the land of law and order

hard right Louisiana

speedball dead at 21

yes I miss you girl

I can’t think about you

and not break

yes I still miss you girl

and Baton Rouge

you were my skater girl

you were my world

stone dead at 21

some years later

see you later alligator

no one else can compare

ragin cajun in bed

you said

one of us was

better off dead

that was supposed

to be a joke

and I would have

preferred it were me

but fate took you seriously

and fate took you


I miss you like fuck Melissa




hard box of kittens


how the game is played is

I am given a box of kittens

and you are given a box of kittens

each of us leaves our tooth or teeth

on the marble kitchen remodel counter

as they are knocked out

hey, Jim…

when I said you could use my bathroom,

I did not mean you could try on and wear

a pair of my boxer shorts

me: ehhhhh…. no just keep ‘em

thank you ex-friend

it’s nearly impossible to think

that I will one day

not wake up in a ditch

on the side of the road

after taking two to the back

of my head execution style

the consultant said that our success

would be determined by the execution

of our senior management

so after donuts

I went up to them in the break room

and shot them


this morning

The “Bone Crusher” had a list for me

next weekend I think I’ll have my son visit

that will give me time to complete the list

My dad: never limit what you believe is your capacity to achieve

or your capacity for violence

Me: sleep with one eye open?

and one foot in the grave?

Dad nodding…

Me: that’s not a particularly comfortable way to sleep.

Dad smiling…

Me: yes. comfort is over-rated

Dad nodding…

Me: are they ready for the “Bone Crusher?”

Dad smiling…

Me: A monkey could be President,

but I wouldn’t want to humiliate the monkey.

Monkey: I just got outta prison.

The job as “President”  would be fine for now.




Rattlesnake Shaker original


meet my girl

she’s a rattlesnake shaker

at the meet and greet

she’ll make sure you meet your maker

she’s got my peninsula

all Florida’d

pointing straight at Jamaica

if she wants some steak

with her sizzle

I’ll put my salt

in her shaker




A real barrel of monkeys.

Don’t mention it.

Thanks for calling.



Where were we…


She blows

my fuse

trips all my

circuit breakers


you get the idea…


when I kiss her lips

you know were taking labia

1001 Arabian Nights

in her Saudi Arabia


That’s why they have “conjugal visits.”



the tombstone

of Fred Flintstone

says simply…


“Yabba Dabba Do”




Eat ’em and Smile


our moon hula hoops
did not work on earth
they were far too heavy
being designed for the moon
with 1/6th earth’s gravity
thinking thoughts
that would tear our minds apart
you had to think hard
and you had to think fast
if I make the bed will you
make me breakfast
at a minimum
I’ll have you
with cinnamon
cup of joe
and depravity