Yelp!

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Do we really need a social networking site for those

who chronically whine and complain?

Dan wrote to his Yelp! account that he found the cleanliness

of the bathroom at the gas station unacceptable.

Have you have been to a gas station with a clean bathroom?

Then I took a look at some of Dan’s other Yelp! entries.

He had reviewed the bathrooms

of almost all the gas stations in town.

The cleanliness of all of them was unacceptable.

What a surprise.

And what useful information.

He also reviewed the bathrooms for most of the town’s fast food places as well as the

bathrooms of many of the area’s big-box stores where he did most of his shopping.

The cleanliness of all of them was unacceptable.

Thanks Dan.

Apparently, Dan prided himself on his critiquing of bathrooms,

wanted to share this knowledge with others,

and had too much time on his hands.

The same thing for other reviews, like restaurants,

bed-and-breakfasts, etc.

Why would I possibly care about what some

whining stranger thinks?

Wouldn’t I just ask my friends?

Hey, wait…there’s Yelp! entries about this humor blog…

“Writer can not commit suicide fast enough to satisfy readers.”

Great. Thanks Mom.

“There are not enough pointy sticks in the world

with which to poke this guy.”

Hmmm. I would think the President of the United States

would have better things to do with his time,

but I’m glad he’s reading.

“Ditto. On the pointy stick thing.”

Ok, I guess I wasn’t expecting any positive feedback from the Pope.

“Thought provoking…a breath of fresh air.”

Thank you.

Thank you, whoever you are Charles Manson.

Informing Others When the Sun Blows Up

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Yesterday the Sun blew up.

I’m sorry to have to inform you.

Especially if you slept in because it was still dark outside,

you were late for work, and were subsequently fired.

If on the other hand you are a night watchman,

you may not have noticed.

Again, I’m sorry to have to inform you if you are the kind

of person people tend to not tell things or trust with secrets.

As it was on the 5 o’clock news yesterday,

but not the late night news you may have missed the story.

The newspapers also didn’t carry anything about it today.

So, if you missed this news I am sorry to have to inform you.

If it is your day off and you are laying at the beach,

so you can work on your sun tan might I suggest you

do practically anything else. Well, anything else not

involving the Sun. I’m sorry to have to inform you if you

are not a detail-oriented person and the detail of the Sun

blowing up had escaped you.

Today the Moon blew up.

I’m sorry to have to inform you, especially if you had been planning

to move to the moon, since the Sun blew up.

Your Voting Responsibility

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I hear some people say:

“Don’t blame me…I didn’t vote.”

What a cop out.

We all have a civic duty to vote.

I prefer the much more socially responsible:

“Don’t blame me…I don’t care.”

Or…

“Don’t blame me…when I regained consciousness in that voting booth,

after all the screaming, I was more concerned with finding my pants

than voting.”

Or…

Sometimes a simple compliment to the proud non-voter

works best.

“If only you had voted…

everything would have turned out differently.”

They also have to let you leave work to vote.

And it’s great.

They give you one of those “I voted” stickers.

Two if you ask for a 2nd.

You can wear them as pasties.

Which is frowned upon if you are a man

and wear them back to work,

but a good way to get HR to let you go home early.

Personally, I feel if you don’t vote you have no right to complain.

And I love to complain,

so I guess that’s why I love to vote.

Well, that and the pasties.