“Wait until I tell my Mom about this!”


Informing Others When the Sun Blows Up

015 - Copy


Yesterday the Sun blew up.

I’m sorry to have to inform you.

Especially if you slept in because it was still dark outside,

you were late for work, and were subsequently fired.

If on the other hand you are a night watchman,

you may not have noticed.

Again, I’m sorry to have to inform you if you are the kind

of person people tend to not tell things or trust with secrets.

As it was on the 5 o’clock news yesterday,

but not the late night news you may have missed the story.

The newspapers also didn’t carry anything about it today.

So, if you missed this news I am sorry to have to inform you.

If it is your day off and you are laying at the beach,

so you can work on your sun tan might I suggest you

do practically anything else. Well, anything else not

involving the Sun. I’m sorry to have to inform you if you

are not a detail-oriented person and the detail of the Sun

blowing up had escaped you.

Today the Moon blew up.

I’m sorry to have to inform you, especially if you had been planning

to move to the moon, since the Sun blew up.

Your Voting Responsibility



I hear some people say:

“Don’t blame me…I didn’t vote.”

What a cop out.

We all have a civic duty to vote.

I prefer the much more socially responsible:

“Don’t blame me…I don’t care.”


“Don’t blame me…when I regained consciousness in that voting booth,

after all the screaming, I was more concerned with finding my pants

than voting.”


Sometimes a simple compliment to the proud non-voter

works best.

“If only you had voted…

everything would have turned out differently.”

They also have to let you leave work to vote.

And it’s great.

They give you one of those “I voted” stickers.

Two if you ask for a 2nd.

You can wear them as pasties.

Which is frowned upon if you are a man

and wear them back to work,

but a good way to get HR to let you go home early.

Personally, I feel if you don’t vote you have no right to complain.

And I love to complain,

so I guess that’s why I love to vote.

Well, that and the pasties.

Electric Dream Journal

The World’s Richest Man

If I were the world’s richest man.
I would buy the world’s biggest diamond.
Or the world’s biggest monkey.
It’s a hard decision to make.
I’m glad I won’t have to make it.
Because I’m not the world’s richest man.
That’s probably how he got so rich.
Making these kind of the hard decisions.

a95 a1 a2 a3 a4 a5 a6 a7 a8 a9 a10 a11 a12 a13 a14 a15 a16 a17 a18 a19 a20 a21 a22 a23 a24 a25 a26 a27 a28 a29 a30 a31 a32 a33 a34 a35 a36 a37 a38 a39 a40 a41 a42 a43 a44 a45 a46 a47 a49 a50 a51 a52 a53 a54 a55 a56 a57 a58 a59 a60 a61 a62 a64 a65 a66 a67 a68 a69 a70 a71 a72 a73 a74 a75 a76 a77 a78 a79 a80 a81 a82 a83 a84 a85 a86 a87 a88 a89 a90 a91 a92 a93 a94

How to Respect Your Boss: Lesson 17

Defer to his superior business judgment:

“Before I sit down…do you think there’s enough toilette paper

left on that toilette paper roll?

Ask your boss for advice based on his vast organizational knowledge:

“How long has this pot of coffee been sitting here?”

Be sure to take advantage of his unparalleled financial mind:

“Where is the best place around here to buy a hotdog?”

Learn from his deep analytical problem solving skills:

“Should I put the ice in the glass before the water or after?”

Use him as a mentor to develop your own technical prowess:

“Can you show me how to operate this paper clip?”

Turn to him as a sounding board for you own career:

“Kill me if I become like you?”

Command the respect of others by emulating his communication style:

“I am not engaged, nor have I ever been engaged to that duck!”

Recognize and acknowledge his strong people skills:

“Who is that naked person hiding in your car?”

Let him set an example for the group on decisive decision making:

“Are we going with the blue monkey or the orange monkey?”

Compliment him on any family photos he may have in his office:

“Clown family escapes from circus.”

Emulate his leadership style in your own meetings:

“OK. Who sat on my lunch?!