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Now you can buy toothpaste that helps get rid of “tartar.”
When I was growing up
I think it used to be called “plaque.”
“Tartar” was something that dogs got.
Are we now seeing “tartar” protecting toothpaste,
because people are eating more dog food?
Seems like the only possible explanation.
So anyway, I was using some of this new “tartar” toothpaste
to brush my dog’s teeth.
He tried to mate with my leg the entire time.
with foam coming out of his mouth.
It made it look like he had rabies.
It made a bit of a scene as I accepted my Nobel Prize.
I could tell the President was jealous.
He looked at his secret service agents.
But the fact that he was seated in the middle
of the best table in the front with the freshest flowers
in the prettiest vase rang hollow.
Sometimes you can be the most powerful man in the world,
but what does it all mean without a foaming mouth dog
trying to mate with your leg?