New World Order

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So, it was the big meeting to seal the deal

In the Silicon Valley with our Japanese clients.

I decided to wear “man perfume.”

A dab on each cheek.

Ok, more of a slathering.

Ok, who are we kidding my face was basically

“glazed donut” with man perfume.

No. Why the f*ck would I wash my face afterwards?

Bill leaning in and sniffing my face…

Bill: Is that a new variant of Old Spice?

Me: Sure. If that’s what you want to call it.

Woman from work leaning in and sniffing my face…

She just smiles and nods.

Now the thing to keep in mind in politically correct America is

although other countries will respect our practices because they respect American Business…

They do not give a f*ck about the same “politically correct” practices themselves.

So, when we do business with other countries we typically meet only with men.

Well, here’s a bit of list:

Japan

Korea

China

Russian

India

Indonesia

Singapore

Taiwan

Ireland

Malaysia

Italy

All Eastern European countries

Well, basically all countries

that are serious about tech.

So, when the Japanese gentlemen

entered the room they complimented me

on the strong smell of my “after shave.”

They were accompanied by a Japanese women whose

responsibilities were “administrative.”

Which meant “precise attention to detail on contracts.”

As a woman (Japanese perspective) she would not be “threatening”…

while her unstated expertise and job was as a lawyer with a fine tooth

comb to ensure the contracts were properly in order.

And favorably in order…

while no one really paid attention to her as administrative assistant.

Preparing our seating arrangements, she leaned in slightly and sniffed my face.

and gave only the slightest hint of a smile.

Before the meeting started she talked privately with her bosses in the corner,

who then looked  over at me and smiled and nodded.

The agreement was signed before noon.

After lunch, we discussed how we would be showcased at the Toyoko Olympics in 2020.

And you will see us prominently at the  Toyoko 2020 Olympics.

See you in 3 years. 🙂

 

 

Man Perfume

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with her legs

a quiver

I’ll stand

and deliver

have doubt?

whip it out

girl and …

she was

the perfect

hostess

with the mostest

for this exclusive

party she said

she would

be coming

in my mouth

such social

protocol

cannot be denied

when my lips

and tongue

are occupied

one thing’s for certain

in my mouth she’ll

be girl-squirtin’

now I’m wearing

her scent on my face

I know my place

under her I learn

but I’m not

complaining

because we’re

f*cking

not insane

and next it

will be my turn

Smoker Girl

smokergirl

she’s a chain smoker

with stiletto heels

and ruby red lips

she leaves a trail

of cigarette butts

marked with her kiss

like a bread crumb

trail in case she

gets lost and can’t

find her way home

she’ll shutdown

your heart faster

than a heart attack

knows where she’s going

and only getting started

she’s an unsolvable riddle

when she whips her hair

parts  the red sea

and walks right down

the middle

RIP: Chester Bennington

Goat Poison

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How much is too much goat poison?
Suppose it depends on how many goats.
Also, size and weight.
And some may have developed a goat poison resistence
if they come from regions with an exceptionally high
natural occurence of goat poison.

Duck poison?
No. Not in place of goat poison?
Well, unless there are also some ducks.

Yes. Snake poison is more expensive.
There are more people who want to poison snakes than ducks or goats.

So anyway, how many goats, ducks, and snakes are we talking?

Is your mother-in-law a goat, duck, or snake?

No. All 3 would seldom be tested for in an autopsy.

 

RIP: Chester Bennington

Ready to Dance

The one thing I have noticed about women

is that they almost universally love to dance.

 

I think this is because it’s the closest they can come to jumping around naked in public without claiming there is anything remotely sexual about it.

 

If you are a man it is in your best interest to always be ready

to dance.

 

I’m a rather poor dancer, so I decided to correct the situation

with dancing lessons.

 

Well, dancing lessons and alcohol.

 

Actually, the dancing lessons were a waste of time.

 

The alcohol is more cost effective and efficient.

 

In order to always be ready to dance it’s in your best interest

to always have recently consumed at least some alcohol.

(This incidentally has also improved my level of job satisfaction.)

 

Attractive woman: Oh, my God! The world just blew up!

Me: Were any snakes killed?

Women: Yes. All of them.

Women: Would you like to dance?

Me: I thought you’d never ask.

cate

 

Quick sketch of me dancing “alcohol-free” at work.

Relatively “alcohol-free.”

 

I don’t remember being naked.

 

Boy, was Dan surprised when I got up on his desk

to change that light  bulb.

 

I just noticed in this sketch I appear to have been “fixed” and have no genitals.

 

Will have to look into…could pose bigger problem than lack of dancing skills.

RIP: Chester Bennington

Queen Contrary Woman

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she said to me boy
she said to me boy
she said to me boy
in this strip poker game
vigilante
let’s up the anti-
I’ve got a straight flush
Queen of hearts
now remove my panties
with your teeth
approach your angel
from above
then get comfortable
underneath
believe in God boy?
like to meet her?
I can introduce you
if it’s religious
experience that you seek
she’ll be coming
tongue-in-cheek
she’ll be coming
around the mountain
when she comes
understand me boy?
so to speak

 

I believe in you.

Christmas at the Children’s Zoo

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Albino Rhino and Vanilla Gorilla were dressed

as elf greeters at the Children’s Zoo.

The gingerbread man and his family came in

to feed the baby goats.

Unfortunately, the porcupine we had spray-painted gold

and were using as a star at the top of the 50 foot Christmas Tree

fell and landed on the gingerbread man and his family pulverizing

them into crumbs.

We fed their crumbs to the baby goats.

Albino Rhino: I hate white sugar frosting.

Vanilla Gorilla: Good. Let’s burn that gingerbread house to the ground.