the movie

Scene1: I kill everyone.
Scene2: I bury everyone that I killed.
Scene3: I have a sandwich.
Scene4: I pick up my Academy Award.
Actually, all the Academy Awards.
As I kill everyone else nominated.

Scene5: I am forced to give a tearful public apology…
because I did not kill people of all faiths and orientations.
The “implied” discrimination is unacceptable.
Scene6: I buy a cat

The sequel:
Same as original only I buy a dog.

“You bought a f*cking dog for the sequel????”


favorite number

On my day off I like to go to the cemetery
I walk up and down every row and look at the headstones
I count them and note any that have my name on them.
Sometimes it’s raining.
At the end of my cemetery walk
I write the count number on a piece of paper,
fold it up,
and put it in my pocket.
I wonder how many of the grave sites are actually empty.
That seems like a waste.
I hate waste.
My job interview ended by the potential boss asking
if I had any questions.
Me: Yes. What is your favorite number.
He told me his favorite number.
I took the piece of paper out of my pocket,
unfolded it, and read the number.
It was his favorite number.
Him: Any other questions?
Me: Would you agree that empty graves are a waste?